Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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