counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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