It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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