its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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