Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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