Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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