somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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