One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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