Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize