my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
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Vodka?
Forever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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