they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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