If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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