Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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