Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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