i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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