he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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