we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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