saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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