I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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