I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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