So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
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Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to calm my uterus...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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