What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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