I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found your dick twin last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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