wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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