Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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