Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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