My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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