wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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