you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize