Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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