found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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