I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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