oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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