worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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