DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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