She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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