Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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