I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize