there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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