i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize