Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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