My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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