I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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