can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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