My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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