Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize