Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize