It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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