I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
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