Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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